the first.

i've been putting this first post off for awhile now. really. i have.

Do it, God keeps telling me.

okay, God. here goes.

I'd always planned typing this first post early in the morning when the sky is blue and the sun is just resting in the tops of the trees. I'd planned to be sitting cross-legged on my red couch with a cup of coffee in my butterfly mug sitting next to me. I'd planned on all of those things, but then i'd planned on having an eating disorder for the rest of my life too.

neither are happening.

it's 10:58 pm and i've been awake for too long. my mind is dull and my eyes are tired, but despite both of these things, words are flowing.

i suppose this first post should explain a bit about the name/purpose of this blog. i tried to include an explanation beneath the title, but unfortunately, it wouldn't fit within the maximum number of characters. who decided that a space counts as a character anyway?

anyhow, as you might have guessed, i am currently in recovery from an eating disorder. After nearly five years of struggle, i finally came to a place in October of 2009, at which i admitted my want and need for help. After months of pain, joy, anger, struggle, and tears, i am finally in a place at which i trust myself to publish my daily trials and triumphs throughout recovery to fellow strugglers and the rest of the world. Not to say that i won't make mistakes- i plan to be brutally honest of both my victories and my failures. All i will left unsaid is specific numbers, amounts, and photos that could be potentially triggering.

The blog title, "Mo(u)rning Restoration", is taken from Psalm 30:5, which says, "...weeping may last for the night but joy comes in the morning!" This verse has been the true wind in my sails of recovery. Although the hard moments have been just as plentiful as the joy-filled, I am constantly reminding myself when the struggle seems unbearable that the tears will soon pass and in their place will radiate a kind of joy that's worth a million tears. In other words, it is perseverance through mourning- mourning the loss of our disorder, of our ideals, of unhealthy mental framework, of our comforts, of what we thought was our sanity, that pulls the morning sun up into the tops of the trees.

so here i am.

sharing my mourning and my mornings with you.

(i promise there will be plenty of both)

my hope and prayer is that whether or not you are a fellow struggler or recoverer, you will benefit from my shared journey in some way. thank you for reading. i have a feeling i'm going to learn a lot more from you than you from me. comments are always welcome.

love,

EA