it's time to eat.

I am currently sitting on my parents' red leather couch. my finger and toenails are wet with a periwinkle polish. i keep my nails short enough that i can i still type with them wet. my dad and i are watching "the king's speech" as we type on our respective laptops.

"the king's speech" is a {true} story about George VI's inheritance of england's throne. he has a terrible stutter. right now, i am watching him work with a world class speech therapist. [who in and of himself is a true inspiration.]

i've been feeling a little burdened lately to take a few (well, more than a few) steps back, back before i started this blog. i haven't much spoken of the months between my time at magnolia creek and the time that i started this blog {february, march & april of 2010}.

they were three hell-ish months of eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating and eating.

i'm reminded of these months' importance as i watch the duke {known as "bertie" by his family} working day in and day out with his speech therapist.

there is a single, poignant scene mentioning the cause behind bertie's stutter. but aside from the painful moments during which we learn how the stutter developed, we spend much of the early film onlooking as bertie undergoes intensive treatment during which he speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks and speaks.

bertie is a person with deep feelings and thoughts. but bertie has a life to live, a life that is liberated as he reclaims his ability speak.

in november of 2009, i saw my current therapist for the first time. she asked me what i was hoping to accomplish through counseling. "i just want to figure out what is causing all this," i said, "i want to work on all of these messed up thoughts i have so i can maybe try to recover."

"that is so great," she said, "let me give you a nutritionist's number so we can get started."

in other words, working through the pain and the scarring and all the horrible happenings and mindsets behind our disorders is necessary and vital for healing. but {for me at least} physical and habitual recovery in terms of nutrition and health were a gateway for right processing of feelings and thoughts.

the first four months of my recovery were a vital part of the freedom in which i walk today, and i want them to be a part of this blog.

so i'm going to write the next couple of posts from the perspective of immensely early recovery. they will be labeled with dates from february through april of 2010. look for them.

love,

EA