i almost put up a before/after picture

...but i had an uneasy feeling about doing that.

i want you to know though, that today, for the first ever, i believe with the fullness of my heart that without my disorder, i am not only a far better person on the inside...

...but a far better person

on the *outside*

as well.

and i want you to see for yourself:

in december of 2009, my body was at the lowest weight it would ever reach during my four years of college.

about one year ago today, i was in my third week at Magnolia Creek. i had yet to gain more than about a pound. according to my nutritionist, everything i ate was going to repair my internal organs. this continued for another couple of weeks until the weight finally began to stick.

towards the middle of April of 2010, i reached my goal weight.

i hated it.

in november of 2010, {weighing roughly 20 pounds more than i did in november of 2009[dont get used to me using numbers. this was merely an exception to my no-number rule]} this photo was taken at Chi Omega Formal:

fellow strugglers: today is January 18, 2011. It has been more than a year since i made the decision to go into recovery from my eating disorder.

I have fought through hatred of my body, knowing that maintaining a healthy weight was the only way to sustain the livelihood that i have discovered in taking care of my self.

this morning, as i was drinking coffee and looking at old pictures, i found myself suddenly able to see that the picture above is a much better look for me than pre-recovery pictures.{note: it took 10 months of existing at a healthy weight for me to come to this realization}

take heart- whatever your struggle- and know that for the time being, what is right and true may only have mourning to offer you.

persevere {through the pain and the anguish and the sorrow} and one morning you will rise to find joy and truth and life.

it keeps happening over and over.

love,

EA